Diary, Parenting Books

The Best List I’ve come across:

“44 ways to show kids you care”…

(From an incredible book I’m reading now -“Anger and the Indigo Child
” by Dianne Lancaster (all the books on “Indigo children” are wonderful by Lee Carroll and Jan Tober –insight into our very cool generation of kids- strong willed and compassionate,(sometimes difficult) ,important and strong future citizens).

1. Say the word “LOVE “ a lot.
2. Be careful not to criticize simply tell them a better way.
3. If you withdraw your attention, avoid withdrawing your love.
4. Teach the principles of “why”, not just “what” to do or not to do.
5. Discipline with love, especially if you are angry. If you “punish” or “take away,” do so with love and follow up with love.
6. Remember children often reflect what they have or have not been taught. They often need to be taught, not punished.
7. Teach children to trust the truth by experiencing you as a model of loving them for telling the truth.
8. Be patient, not just tolerant.
9. Ask them what they need from you and do whatever you can to meet those needs.
10. When you are stressed and unavailable, help them know that your condition is about your life, and not them, and reaffirm your love.
11. Remember that children often need love the most when they “deserve” it the least.
12. Listen to them, a lot. Avoid interrupting.
13. Help them to learn the feeling of regret, not just to say they are sorry.
14. Apologize when you make a mistake or do something you regret.
15. Teach them about ethics and values and principles they can apply in choices and decision-making.
16. Never make fun of them, shame them or blame them. It’s not their “fault.” It’s an indication of what they need, or what they need to learn, or what they need to unlearn.
17. Tell them how much you like being with them, if you mean it. If you don’t, examine what about the relationship dynamics at that moment or in general affects your not feeling that way. Then find a way to change that from within yourself.
18. Expect and support their best; don’t expect or require perfection. Set standards based on their capacities, not your (often unrealistic) needs.
19. Avoid comparing them to anyone else; instead, help them develop their unique self and way of being.
20. Know they will respect what you say if they respect who you are.
21. Encourage them to share and teach them to share but don’t make them share. If they feel enough love in their life they will be able to share; if they cannot share, it means they need to feel more love.
22. Hug and touch them often when they are young. Hug and touch them often as possible as they mature. Avoid commands like “come give me a hug”. Instead say, “I would like to hug. Would you like to hug?” The command is based on the adult’s need. The option is contingent on the child’s need.
23. Help them learn the feeling of gratitude, not just to say thank you. Love is the emotion that sustains positive change. Anger is the emotion that sabotages positive change.
24. Give them space when they need it.
25. Praise more and criticize less.
26. Know that a child is experiencing love will express love. A child who does not act loving needs to experience more love and feel more loved. Until then, behavior changes you attempt may not be sustainable.
27. Help them learn how and why to save money.
28. Avoid …
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Parenting Books

The Continuum Concept

The Continuum Concept: In Search Of Happiness Lost (Classics in Human Development) Jean Liedloff, an American writer, spent two and a half years in the South American jungle living with Stone Age Indians. The experience demolished her Western preconceptions of how we should live and led her to a radically different view of what human nature really is. She offers a new understanding of how we have lost much of our natural well-being and shows us practical ways to regain it for our children and for ourselves.

Parenting Books

The Blessing of a Skinned Knee

The Blessing of a Skinned Knee: Using Jewish Teachings to Raise Self-Reliant Children
From Publishers Weekly
Frustrated with a therapeutic practice that “shifted too frequently to be an anchor” for parents struggling with issues like overindulgence and overscheduling, clinical psychologist Mogel turned to her religious heritage for ways to help her clients and her own family “find grace and security” in an increasingly complex world. “In the time-tested lessons of Judaism, I discovered insights and practical tools that spoke directly to these issues,” writes Mogel, who left her psychology practice in order “to help parents look at their children’s anxieties and desires using a different lens.” Digging into the rich traditions of the Torah, the Talmud and other Jewish teachings, Mogel builds a parenting blueprint that draws on core spiritual values relevant to families of all faiths. With warmth and humor, she offers strategies for encouraging respect and gratitude in children, and cautions against overprotection (”we treat our children’s lives like we’re cruise ship directors who must get them to their destinationDadulthoodDsmoothly, without their feeling even the slightest bump or wave”) and the pressure of “Lake Wobegon parenting” (a reference to Garrison Keillor’s fictional town where “all the children are above average”). Her thoughtful observations consistently illuminate and reassure. Impassioned, lyrical and eminently practical, this inspiring volume is a real treasure. Agent, Betsy Amster.